Grief. Going. Healing.

I think we all remember the end of 2019 when news and media outlets started talking about a virus that was spreading in China -specifically in the area of Wuhan. The virus we would all soon become very familiar with- Covid-19. By early 2020, lockdowns were happening all over the world because of it.  There are all sorts of theories and speculations about Covid-19, where it originated, why it originated, and why it will always be politicalized. That’s not what I’m going to write about. If you want to read about those things, head to your social media platform of choice or google conspiracy theories, and you will have the world at your fingertips. Tiktok is probably a good starting spot for all your conspiracy theory needs. I’m going to talk about the anxiety that so many people, me included, now experience because of it. In reality, I’ve probably always struggled with some form of anxiety, but it came to light with the events in my life that unfolded because of Covid.

I’ll be the first to admit, when lockdowns started to happen, I was team conspiracy theory all the way. If you had a theory, I wanted to hear it. I had a few theories of my own. Then the numbers started to get higher and higher of the number of people who were being hospitalized and dying from this horrific virus- my oldest brother included in the mortality count. I had my first panic attack the night I had to take him to the hospital for breathing trouble. Now when I hear any jokes or even lackadaisical comments about Covid or “the rona”, I feel anxiety start to creep into every fiber of my being. Even the comparison of my favorite fruit, rambutan, looking like the image of Covid can cause the onset of anxious feelings. Writing this has even caused some unexpected anxiousness.

There are now news reports of Covid cases spiking again. Mask mandates are now in place in some places. There is a lot of speculations that another lockdown of some sort is on the way.  So how do those of us with anxiety respond to this? I can tell you some less than biblical ways that I’ve handled the anxiety in the past. I distract my mind with coming up with some crazy math problem to solve. My focus goes to that instead of whatever has caused my anxious thoughts. Sometimes I’ll dig my nails into the palm of my hands, because just like math problems, the pain distracts my mind. The math problem solution isn’t unhealthy, a little nerdy at times, but it works. What about the nail digging solution? Absolutely not healthy. When that became my main coping mechanism, I realized I had a problem. If I’m honest, I still do, but praise be to God for His word and His work in my life regarding my anxiety about Covid and all the things.

What does scripture say regarding anxieties, cares, and worries?

Psalm 34:17

Psalm 55:22

Matthew 6:25-34

Luke 12:22-31

Philippines 4:6-8

1 Peter 5:6-7  

Growing up in the panhandle of Florida, fishing is a common thing that people do. I don’t do it, but I have several friends who live to fish. You cast your net or line out into the water, and then you reel it back in with whatever it is your caught or to move locations. So, when I read 1 Peter 5:7, that’s the image that comes to mind. Casting whatever it is I’m worrying or anxious about to the Lord and then at some point, I reel it back in. Several of the original twelve disciples were fisherman, right? It made sense to me. I think for most of my life that has been my approach to anxiety. I cast it to the Lord and then at some point reel it back in. Shortly after my brother died, I made a move to North Carolina for a teaching position I had accepted at a middle school. On my drive up to North Carolina, I was listening to a sermon or podcast on anxious thoughts (I wish I remembered who it was by. If I had to guess, it was probably Kyle Idleman, David Platt, Matt Chandler, or J.D. Greear). He made a similar comparison about casting cares onto the Lord. I remember being excited that he had the same idea I had about what it meant to cast your cares on the Lord. But he took it a step further. The speaker explained when Peter says cast, he doesn’t mean throw your worries to the Lord and then get them back again. When he says cast, he means transfer, give, hand over, all your worries to the Lord- no take backs. We get to transfer our cares to the Lord because He CARES for us. He cares about what happens to us, the big things, little things, all the things, He cares. Not only does He care for us, but He also LOVES us. Because He loves us, He sent his perfect son to earth to live a perfect life, die a horrific death, and come back to life so that if we confess with our mouths that Jesus is Lord, believe that God raised Him from the dead, we will be saved (Romans10:9).

I still struggle with anxiety. The main thing that makes me anxious about the rise of covid again, is the potential lockdowns that it could bring and all the things that could happen because of it. Living in another country away from all my family and friends brings a whole new level of “what ifs” to the anxious game.  

“What if I have to stay overseas longer than I planned?”

“What if I get covid overseas?”

“What if another family member gets it and also dies from it when I’m on the other side of the world?”

The list could go on- I know because I’ve already lost one night’s sleep over it all. Knowing that Christ not only cares for but also loves us, how should that affect the way we handle and approach our anxiety about Covid and all of the other things in life? We give our cares to the Lord- just like scripture says. Easier said than done I know. But God cares for us. He is our refuge and our strength in time of trouble. He knows us and our anxious hearts, so why would we not transfer our cares to Him? I still occasionally fall back onto the old math problem trick because I’m one of those weird people who thinks math is fun and cute. Sometimes I still dig my nails into the palms of my hands. But I have also discovered some healthier coping mechanisms on my journey of living with anxiety. Meditating on scripture. While I may not know a verse in its entirety, I’ve found letting my soul rest in scripture calms my anxious heart. I reach out to someone in my community, letting them know what’s going on and asking for prayer. More often than not they point me to scripture and let me know that they are praying for me. We are not meant to live this life without a community of believers around us. I have several premade worship playlists on Spotify that I will just let play in the background until the anxiety or anxious thoughts reside. If you need a suggestion, Shane and Shane’s songs written on one of the Psalms is one of my go to options full of truth. I’ve linked a conference worship set where they sing songs straight from Psalms. I’ve learned that the most important thing I can do is remind myself that God is sovereign. He is in control over everything in this world. We know that at the end, nothing will surprise Him or be anything He hasn’t allowed.

Philippians 4:6 “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

He cares for the needs of the birds of the sky and cares for the grass and flowers on the ground. How much more does He care for man which was made in His image. As we continue to live on this side of eternity, there will always be things that we can worry and be anxious about but let us choose to be people who cast our cares to the Lord. He is good. He is trustworthy.  He is sovereign and controls all things. Let us rest in those truths as He continues to conform us to His likeness, and we look forward to the day when He will return.