About a year and a half ago, I wrote a blog called “So Long… Farewell”. I was preparing to leave the place I had called home for a year. I remember being sad, but also being so excited about the future plans to return. Those future plans had me already back in this country that I also consider home.
On August 19th, I left the US to take a short 3 week vision trip to really hash out and finalize how I could come and live in SE Asia on a more permanent basis… meaning until the Lord makes it clear I’m supposed to be elsewhere. I landed in country on the 21st. I spent my first several days in the capital city. It gave me time to adjust to the time change and jet lag, but it also gave me time to figure out some logistical stuff that would have been hard to do via the internet. I got to tour and sit in on a class at the school I’ll attend for language. I looked at several places around the school to get an idea of rent prices and what would come with the rental. We went to 5 different buildings and saw somewhere around 11 different furnished apartments. I basically had my own episode of House Hunters International.
Since the 27th, I’ve been in the province I lived in and now think of as my second home. This leg of the trip ends tomorrow as I’ll head back to the capital followed by flying back to the US starting early next week. I’ve seen all of my favorite people, well most of them. I’ve consumed all the tea with lime. I’ve eaten all the things and spent many hours at Bong’s cafe just being with my people. I’ve been able to see former students and substitute teach a few nights. My teaching consisted of an open discussion about Christianity and Buddhism. I shared the good news and we continued to talk about the difference in the two. I have had many meeting with leaders here to discuss how I can best help the body when I come back. It has been so encouraging to have those conversations and see how my heart is aligning with needs here. It’s also been encouraging to see how much good being back has done for my mental health. I’m convinced I’m cured! Well, at least when I’m here that is!
Tomorrow it all ends again. This is my 4th time in this country making this my 4th round of “see you when you see me”s. This should be getting easier, right? The first time I left and returned to the US was so hard. I cried many a tears and had those annoying post tears puffy eyes. My 2nd and 3rd time saying goodbye was so much easier. I was sad, but I had plans in place to return. This time I again have plans in place to return. I assumed goodbyes wouldn’t be hard. I started saying my goodbyes to former students last night and it left me feeling some kind of sad that I wasn’t expecting. Tomorrow I will see Bong and her family one more time and then I leave.
It’s harder to leave this time. It’s harder to say those final goodbyes. I think I know why. There’s a war. There is all sorts of uncertainty surrounding it. Will this war continue? Will the ceasefire stop the war? Because I like to overthink things and think of all the what if situations, I’ve looked at and thought about all the possible scenarios and possible outcomes of this war. It breaks my heart. While I have plans to return, it will be two years before I can officially call this province home again. So MUCH can change in 2 years. So many people will pass away in those 2 years who have never heard the good news. As much as the war breaks my heart, this fact breaks my heart even more. I know there are workers here sharing the gospel, but what if one of “my people” are the ones who die and don’t know the Lord?
As I’m packing my suitcase tonight, I’m having to remind myself that as much as I love this place and these people, God loves them so much more. He sent his son to die for the wages for our sins. If that doesn’t demonstrate how much God loves us, I don’t know what does. When I left last time, my hope was the people I was leaving knew how much I loved and cared for them, but more importantly knew how much God loves and cares for them. The same is still true. This time I think I also know how much they care and love me.
Everything that happens is ordained by God. God is good, wise, loving, kind, all-knowing, all-powerful and the list goes on. But because of who God is and because He ordains all things, we can trust in His plans and His timing. So for the next 18 hours or so, I’m going to soak up all the time with my people here in the province. I’m going to take all the pictures and drink all the tea with lime, and then I am going to leave trusting in His plans and timing.
This is goodbye again. But I don’t think it’ll be my final goodbye to this place and these beautiful people. I’m looking forward to many more “Hello Cher!”s and many more hard goodbyes because this is the place I’m supposed to be and these are the people I’m supposed to live among.
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Grief. Going. Healing. 
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