Well, it’s been a while since I wrote a blog. I don’t know if I hit a case of writers block or if maybe I just had so many thoughts going through my head I couldn’t pinpoint one thought to sit down and write about. 2025 has come to an end and it’s day 3 of the new year. I guess that means it’s time to reflect on what all 2025 meant to me.
I took a trip down blog memory lane the other day and stumbled across my last blog post of 2024. I don’t remember writing it, but reading it brought some encouragement to me. In this journey of healing and therapy, I often get bogged down feeling like a broken record. Or I think things like “I’m such an idiot, how am I still hung up on or struggling with the same old stuff”. Looking back at my recap of 2024, I can see, that while I still get bogged down by some of the same things, there has been so much growth. Growth I hadn’t even realized until reading that old post. People tell me they see growth, but I have trust issues so I often find myself questioning their statement. But to be able to go back and see for myself, it did something unexplainable for me in this journey called life.
2025, like every other year, wasn’t how I envisioned it going. I started painting houses to make ends meet. I do pressure washing. I even have a job at my church now. It’s hard to be in my 30s and not have the typical adult life. I struggle with comparison of what my life “should” look like vs what it does look like. Even though it’s different than I thought it would look, I have seen how the Lord has faithfully provided for every need and sustained me as I walk in obedience to His plan. It’s not glamorous. It’s not fancy. But the Lord has provided. I would take this life, knowing I’m being obedient to Him, over a life without Him any and every day.
In June, I joined a phenomenal organization that has provided so much more for me than support to move overseas. Lifelong, like-minded, friends. Some older women who have gone through things similar or just see me for me, and have embraced all that I am. A support group of women doing ministry that is used as a means to encourage and lift one another up in prayer.
2025 has given me ample opportunity to live and understand the saying vulnerability breeds authenticity. Similarly to my thoughts about being bogged down by the same things over and over in therapy, I often feel the same way after being vulnerable with someone or “sharing too much”. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve called myself an idiot after a conversation with someone where I was “too honest” or shared “too much”. And don’t you dare get my started about those conversations where I also cried. I wrote a whole blog on crying this year in part because of the shame I felt from crying. The amount of shame I’ve put on myself in the past is unreal. Looking back, I still have those “you’re an idiot” moments because we all struggle with being insecure in some capacity or another, but they happen so rarely now. When it does happen, I can register it as unhealthy and try to figure out why I’ve resorted back to calling myself names. I still have a lot of growing to do, but I can see the growth the last year.
2020 onward has been hard for me. It’s been hard for so many other people. Towards the end of 2021, maybe even before then, I entered heavy, heavy depression. The amount of thoughts I had of self-harm, passive suicidal thoughts, and thoughts of turning to substances for help before admitting the depth of my depression is alarming. But God met me in that. God sent me people to help point me to Him to navigate through the hardness of life. I feel like 2025 is the first year that didn’t have a haze or fog over every aspect of life. I can look back and see more good days than not. I can look back and see glimpses of the true, authentic, me.
While I don’t know when I realized it, 2025 was a turning point for me. I can see where I had sought the Lord on so many things, and He answered. I’m excited and hopeful for 2026. I’m excited to continue this journey of growth and healing mentally and emotionally. I’m excited about the growth that is going to continue spiritually. This is the first time in 5 years that I don’t have a pessimistic outlook on what’s to come.
Some Random Thoughts from 2025:
- If you are on a controlled substance for something like ADHD, 10/10 would not recommend quitting it cold turkey.
- Homemade popcorn is the best.
- A 58 degree temperature is different in Tennessee than in say Florida.
- Flying through an airport in a city that just had something bombed is the most fun you’ll ever have while flying.
- Breakfast in Cambodia > Breakfast in America
No one asked, but here are a few books I’m excited to read in 2026 and a few songs I’m sure will be on repeat for the next few weeks.
Books
- Practicing the Way- John Mark Comer
- Dungeon Crawler Carl series – Matt Dinniman
- The House of My Mother- Shari Franke
- Grit- Angela Duckworth
- Changes that Heal- Henry Cloud
- Soundtracks- John Acuff
Songs
- Just that Good- Kristian Stanfill
- Great Things- Phil Wickham
- So So Good- Phil Wickham
- Sons and Daughters – North Point Worship
- Your Great Name- Todd Dulaney
- Great Jehovah- JJ Hairston
Welcome 2026, I am excited for you.
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